Love is not a joke nor game. At least, not when your feelings in the way. Love will fuck you up, no lie. It'll do a roundoff on your face and all you can do is stand there stupid. I fell in love with Sunoi Dawaki Yokuhi a fateful day in August. I've loved him ever since. I still do. This boy travels constantly. So there is barely to no 'us-time'. It's okay though. I never complain about it to him. That's the way things are. I'm used to always getting hurt and crushed, so I sometimes think that I deserve to be treated that way. I know I shouldn't be crying on Thanksgiving, biting my lower lip, eyes so blurry I can't even see properly. I normally cry at night. I cry myself to sleep because noone can here me. Ayori-chan see's my faults though. She see's everything. She told me it's more painful to see me struggling, forcing smiles, and trying to be normal for her and everyone. But I have to be. I can't reveal the true monster I am inside. How is that right? I was called Bitter once. Because I don't have Dawaki. Because he's away. He told me I was bitter that I don't have love with me, basically because Dawaki travels. Is that hy I stare at couples in he hallway some days? Is hat why I look away, run away, hurry away from them? Is that why my smile feels faltered when I do smile to everyone? Love can make you fail or win. It's too bad I don'tknow which one I am. Why I don't talk about this normally? Because I get the same answer; "You can do so much better." or some bogus shit like that. It's not true. He may travel and be busy as hell but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. Its not his fault. It's noone's fault. No his, or his parents, or anyone. I'm sure they just want him with a good education. What good parents wouldn't? What good parent does not want heir child to surpass them? Sometimes it feels like someone just took your breath away. You end up forgetting something you were supposed to do just by having a memory of him. Your walking down the street and stop. Just to end up turning, looking in circles, like your lost. It leaves you day dreaming. Someimes you wonder if he'll tap you in the shoulder and magically appear..but you know that's not true. Magic isn't true. Maybe if it were, it'd help me. Then again, do I even deserve it? I sit in my room, on m bed, staring at blank empty walls. Pft. Like they'll give me the answers. Sometimes the day dreaming makes me feel better. Sometimes I have my good days. But no days go by that I don't think. I don't see this as a beginning, ending, or middle. I see this as a pit stop. An obsticle I have to get over. Sometimes I sleep and I dream. And I wake up in agony because the dream isn't real. Sometimes I'd wonder if it ever would be real. This is the guy I'll love forever. 3 years of a relationship. Nothing we've taken lightly...